Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
