Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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