From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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