i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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