Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
