She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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