Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
