I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
