sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
