If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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