i need an iv and a liver transplant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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