I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
