Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize