i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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