We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
