we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
