only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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