she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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