Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
