this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
