I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize