hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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