So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
