I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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