in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
