remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
