We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
