Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize