Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
