I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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