Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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