dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
