she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize