about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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