***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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