I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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