Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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