im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
