I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.