so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon