Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants