Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.