I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
