Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
