So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
