Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
