He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
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