I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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