Someone shit on the floor
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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