some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
