Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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