i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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