The maid of honor just puked.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
