I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
