Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
