she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
