I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
