it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
