I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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