Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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