Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
