I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
